Saturday......

Saturday

• Dad wants to take me to XXX University for its open day and to enquire about my room application.
• My friend wants to come over to my house to play my computer.
• Another friend wants to have lunch.

Suddenly there's so many appointments I can take after rotting in the house for a week, failing to materialize my plan to pay a second visit to Singapore, due to laziness, which deprived me the chance to meet Buaya and POD's bf (sorry guys).

But I attended the Gay Birthday Party, celebrating Leggy's and Xavier's birthday. Being a master of procrastination I made the two simple birthday cards at the eleventh hour for Leggy and Xavier. I've squeezed my brain to think of a cheap good gift but all that comes to my mind is burning a dvd jam-packed with goodies from my vast collection of gay porn. Now I was really going to give dvds with classified content as birthday presents before I think of what my reaction would be if I were to receive such an unsavoury gift myself. " I already have enough porns" is what comes to my mind, and the second thought, "He's a creep!" convinced me that I should stick to simple forgettable cards or risk deteriorating my already embarrassing reputation of being "blur".

So I made the cards which I believe will end up in the dustbins sooner or later.

Guess what Leggy said when he got a classical music CD from Alex.

" Porn would have been so much better."

Dang.

Um...... before I managed to find my way to the restaurant I was walking around aimlessly (since I arrived early to prevent you-know-what) and I began to panic as I didn't know where exactly the venue is. Defiant and Mcdave called me but I didn't know. I couldn't call as my phone credits expired and I'm waiting for my Birthday to reload (which will give me 50% more credits, yay!). Fortunately I somehow managed to spot Xavier's head (Gaydar?), and stalked followed him all the way to the restaurant. He was with another guy, a stranger who was interrogated by a bunch of curious bloggers later on.

Now contrary to all the previous gatherings, I was taciturn and turned almost invisible most of the time as the others are yakking away. Perhaps it's me being the only one single among the crowd, or that the fact that I am a Leo too and my birthday is around the corner eluded everybody's mind, or that this is the real me. I can be extremely quite as I had nothing good or shocking to say, a behaviour which some of my friends commented as being snobbish, unfriendly and unapproachable. I just hope that I didn't spoil everyone's mood there.

---(Warning! Rantings ahead.)

I am single and lonely right now but I am so tired of being sad about it. After several unrequited love (sort of) which left my heart battered and bleeding, I'd rather be single and liberate myself from the pains of love. I so miss my childhood days, where I never had the slightest desire to have a lover to be with. After searching for a while, I can't help but to feel unwanted. Now that my holidays are nearly over (two months passed, one month left) and I don't have a special someone to celebrate my birthday with, I don't know whether I should be sad or happy.

Being sad doesn't change anything, does it? If I am a robot with controllable emotions, I'd really just wanna be happy. To be happy that I have loving family and caring friends. To be happy that I have a future ahead of me. Yes, I am young and I should wait for my true love to come.

I'll be turning 19 soon and fly off to Australia the day after my birthday. I do need to be more mature. I'm not ready for a relationship that'll possibly tear my heart to pieces. For now, I'm contended with being single, or so I hope.