I believe I have a twisted mind nowadays, or at least a twisted sense on love. I'm having a weird crush on this straight guy in university and I didn't feel anything wrong or sad about it. I say weird because I enjoy being with him, I enjoy talking to him, the feeling of just seeing him, being with him puts me on cloud nine. But I can't say whether it's really a crush, love, or anything. Sometimes he felt more like a little brother I never had. Haha. It's different from the first crush I had on a straight guy in secondary school. This university guy is more approachable and we got to be more "friendly" with each other. I mean, good friends, with things to talk about.
The thing is, I don't expect him to like me, I don't expect him to be gay. I don't need to. And this is good I think. Perhaps this is the Ego in me talking. It would hurt more if he's gay and he wouldn't like me due to my unflattering appearance and personality. And then he would get a boyfriend because he is hot anyway and I'm just gonna be lonely and depressed.
Suffice to say, my state of mind nowadays is not in a state of the pretty rainbow, but this:
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