Top 3 Reasons I Stopped Blogging... (until now, for the moment)

1) Egodystonic Perfectionism

Wikipedia Definition: A tendency to negatively evaluate outcomes and one's own performance, intense fear and avoidance of evaluation of one's abilities by others, heightened social self-consciousness and anxiety, recurrent low mood, and workaholism.

It's disturbing how the definition above actually sums up my personality. It explains my predisposition to procrastination, as well as my meticulous editing of each blog entry which consumed a lot of my time. Now that I have time to spare, I decided to publish what I've been reluctant to write in item 2 and 3 since 2007.

2) It's giving me depression!

As I got to know more people personally in the blogosphere, I find it increasingly hard to express certain facets of my feelings that has developed... until now that is. You see, the truth is, I feel really lonely as more and more people in the blogosphere started to get partners in life. This induces in me a craving for love, which has never been satiated (even until now, sigh), and has mutated into a mixture of bitterness, jealousy and depression. Go here if you want to see what I mean; it's one of the main reason I've eschewed blogging and reading blogs for two years.

3) There is something I don't know how to write/say!

I still don't know how to write about the Uncle to whom I have given a blowjob in my car, about 4 years ago. He found me though the blog and already has several young fuckbuddies. I was horny for affection and went second base with him, but I never intended to go further in the relationship with him.

Someone from UK once told me to have a life, to have all the fun I can have while I'm young, or else I will regret it when I'm old. He was basically telling me to go find girls to fuck (he doesn't know :P). "A person only regret things he did not do," he says.

This was in stark contrast to a statement from a chinese friend, who said that he had his first sex when he was young, which he find regretable now.

For years I have struggled whether I should just go have sex with that Uncle. I don't know whether it's fortunate or unfortunate, but I guess I am just too conservative, and still believe in finding true love no matter what the odds are. This 'belief' also lead me to believe that I will be a spinster, but that's another story/rant.

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Anyway, this is just a blog and who cares if it's not updated. Ok, maybe you care, if you're looking at this sentence in this blog on this screen. For that, I thank you for reading.

Maybe years from now I'll blog again here as a bitter old man lamenting how I should have just gone for open carnal sex.